Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
two words...techno handjob
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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