She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have aggressive nipples.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
