Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
