i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
