How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
