So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
