so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just high enough for therapy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
