Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
