What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
