I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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