I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
