Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
