Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
