So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
