On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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