do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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