Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
