i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
