stop calling my apartment porn island.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
