do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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