If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
