May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
