I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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