i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
