She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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