You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This house was built for laser tag.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
