He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
