dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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