Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
