Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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