I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
