wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
