he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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