he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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