watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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