is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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