his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Never joke about your clitoris.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
