it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
