All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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