Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
