Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
