someone get that fucking seahorse.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
