I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
