Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
