No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
