A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
