She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
