You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
