Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
