When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she peed on how many people?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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