I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
