Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
