fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
